Personal Resilience

Now it comes down to your ability to adapt to this change which begins with acknowledging and accessing the nature of the change with the ultimate objective of accepting the change.   According to the American Psychological Association, resilience is not a trait, but a skill that can be developed by anyone.[i]  Resilience involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned like any other skill.   If you have had a life with very little challenges or obstacles, you may or may not be skilled at implementing the traits and characteristics required for personal resilience.  It depends on your inner perceptions surrounding positivity, optimism, and how your process stress and trauma. 

Consider the physical pain management scale used at medical facilities.  When a patient is  experiencing pain, the prescreening process entails a medical professional asking them what their level of pain is on a scale from about 1 to 10, and may use a combination of smiley and sad faces like the Wong-Baker[ii] scale to indicate the level of pain the patient is experiencing.

So an initial part of the process of learning resilience, it taking the time to assess your level both psychological and physiological pain.  The standard medical pain scale has been adapted for the loss of partnership in the Fierce Bitch Pain Scale graphic table.  The scale has been adapted from the Wong-Baker pain management scale used to assess physical pain and ranges from zero pain, mild, moderate pain to severe and debilitating pain.  After you have taken a self-assessment on your level of physical and psychological pain specific to the end of your relationship, you will be able to move on to the next stage of learning about personal resilience and strategies for becoming more resilient.

It is important to note that depending on when you take this pain assessment, your outcome may fluctuate or change.  One day, week or month or even year you may have different results.  Once the results stabilize and are consistent, you will have a clear picture of your current state of managing the pain associated with the break-up of your marriage.

[i] The Road to Resilience.  American Psychological Association.  Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx.

[ii] Wong Baker Foundation.  Pain Scale.  Retrieved from http://wongbakerfaces.org/.  F.B. Reinterpretatin adapted from Allina Health model.  Retrieved from https://www.allinahealth.org/health-conditions-and-treatments/health-library/patient-education/total-hip-replacement/surgery-and-beyond/how-to-manage-your-pain/.